Stardust

Today, I watched Stardust. It's a beautiful, magical story. It tells of love, unconditional love. Love where you just want to give somebody your whole heart for absolutely nothing in return; but only to know that that somebody loves you right back.

Is there such a love at all?

I can't do it. I can't give my whole heart to that somebody and accept everything else because I know that that somebody loves me in return. I have been selfish. I have asked and asked because I thought I deserved. I did mean, petty acts to vindicate because I felt mistreated.

Who are you, Ong Kiat Teng? Can you look into the mirror and admit to yourself that THAT is exactly who you are? Can anyone looking upon honestly use love to describe the relationship?

... For all of my faults, I really gave the relationship my all.

Tired now... don't want to have to ask myself so many questions anymore..

You know, some things just don't make any sense. NTUC Fairprice sells those Save-The-Earth type of reusable bags for a dollar right, and when someone buy it they get like the BAG itself for what it is, if you get what I mean. Today I went to NTUC Fairprice, and I saw the reusable bags displayed, nicely wrapped with a clear PLASTIC cover. And I was like what the hell?! I mean, that kinda defeats the purpose doesn't it! Here we are having campaigns against global warming and plastic bags like Bring Your Own Bag Day, so we want to encourage people to reuse plastic bags or buy that $1 reusable bag and use it right. But there NTUC goes wrapping that bag with PLASTIC. I don't know, maybe that plastic wrapping is biodegradable or something so it won't matter, but it sure as hell doesn't look like it will decompose easily. And if it's not, you can't argue that when people buy that bag and use it, the number of plastic bags not used will overshadow that single measly piece of plastic used as wrapping, simply because you want to do as much as possible to save the Earth. Hor?

This blog is dying, but really, I can't find anything blog worthy. I'm not in school anymore, so I don't really get into GPish discussions or listen to chapel preaching and those daily sharings or some of those other things that stir my brain juice and prompt me to have some opinions and thoughts.

I miss school. School gives me a purpose, a kind of drive that keeps me going and my brain running. After I left school, I realised, at least for myself, that as dull and boring school might seem to be, my time there was the most vibrant ones of my life so far. You might say that school is so routine, so restrictive, but I'll say that every day in school is a whole new learning experience and self discovery.

This long transition from jc to university has been a rather boring one. I don't want to see myself living every day like this after I come out into society. I know that ultimately, it all boils down to choice. There isn't a mould for my life to take shape to after I leave the king of all schools, university. But until I grow up and get there, I don't know how I will choose. But I sincerely hope that whatever it is, I will be happy.

When I was younger, and my parents were holding me back and restricting and watching my every move, I couldn't wait to grow up.

Now, I'm a little older, and my parents have loosened their hold, I don't wanna grow up anymore. Things were simpler, easier, when I was younger.

Sigh. We all say we must learn to appreciate what we have and all the things around us. But when will we ever learn? And when will it ever be enough?

I can't help but feel that our Singapore government has some really good debaters. Because they actually have all kinds of rebuttals for arguments against all these ministerial pay rise issue. I'm sorry, I really have nothing against our government. I'm just another empathetic youth, politics doesn't interest me. Just that some of all these word games are fascinating.

I suppose what our government says makes sense, pay hike to maintain quality and all. After all, who will be really passionate about our dear Singapore other than maybe LKY who practically moulded Singapore and her politics. In this very real and cruel world, money screams at the top of its lungs. Money: Collect me! I am POWER! Which, to digress abit, leads to corruption. So, better pay more money so our capable ministers don't run away.

But honestly, the way our government puts it, makes some millions in the double digit a year sound like money they use to carpet the floors. I think that pisses people off. I mean, to alot of people, that is really alot of money, no matter how small a fraction is it of government expenditure or GDP. I dont't think it's very nice to make it sound like people are making a mountain out of a molehill.

Anyway, I'm really being stupid. But why would you want to compete with the private sector for capable people? Aren't you just concerned that these capable people go to foreign lands? Whether they are in the public sector or private sector, ultimately the money still stays in Singapore what, doesn't it? What's the point of a capable government if there's no capable people supporting the economy? Now I have another question. What's the link between government and economy? What is economy? Are public sector and private sector both part of the economy?

Omg hahaha. I'm like totally clueless, but pretending to make sense. Haha.

I'll be very sad when the last day of work comes, cos I'm like so in love with the job. I'm sure it's like the most enjoyable admin job ever. Not enjoyable as in I look forward to going to work every day, but as in I have fun on the job and I don't pine for time to pass faster so that I can go home. But I only have a week plus left!! ):

Anyway. Maewyn and Bess from work said that to boys serving NS, their girlfriends are everything. To that I said: BULLSHIT.

Sometimes I get upset just thinking. I think that every single shit is so unfair. Can't a girl just hope for more? I feel like such an idiot.

I always do things I regret. Why did my parents give birth to such a daughter. A mean, quick tempered, vindictive daughter who doesn't want to admit her mistakes and apologise, and says mean things that hurt because she doesn't like losing. Who has never learnt to appreciate what she has and was given. I hate myself for knowingly being a bitch and a coward and a filthy hypocrite.