I feel unhappy and unwanted and old and useless and cheated.

I want school, need school, crave school. I need something to take away this time thingy that I suddenly seem to have too much off.

I need a friend to take my mind off that one guy that keeps hoarding my thoughts. And no, they're unfortunately not thoughts of love or whatever along that line. They're thoughts of.. I don't know.. disappointment, resentment. And I totally hate myself for being so possessive.

They're talking about giving the Singapore Girl a makeover in Sunday Times. I never knew they were called that, simply knew them as SIA air stewardesses. Anyway, I honestly think that there's nothing wrong with their image. It's very nice, isn't it? Elegant and sophisticated, and nowhere near suggestive or old fashioned or outdated or whatever the article said some people said, in my opinion. Ok, maybe it wouldn't do any harm if the makeup becomes more modern, but whatever they do, they should never ever ever change the kebaya uniform! That wld be such a serious mistake, because I think it's been so much a part of our Singapore identity for the longest time. Changing the kebaya uniform is like.. PAP ditching their all whites for black you know.

Anyway. I can't help but notice that girls seem to hit puberty at a younger and younger age you know. I remember Sops saying before that babies nowadays are teething earlier too. Something like last time sixth months now only four months. Haha. Right now, girls who looks as young as 9 are showing hints of breasts you know! Really!

I think I deserve to be commended for my valient efforts to keep track of my money. And due to these valient efforts, I've discovered that I'm currently in a horrible deficit of 300 over dollars, which means that I've already spent more than half of December's pay - pay that I haven't gotten yet. It's really easy to spend money. BUT. I'm really actually quite frugal already you know. If I hadn't paid for 2 months worth of phone bill, bought the ticket to Phantom of the Opera and a horribly expensive present, I wldn't be in this situation. I wouldn't even be in deficit. So you see, I really frugal. Haha.

OK. I know I'm just lying to myself.

It's a little obscene to leave off the last entry just like that, considering what it was about. But well.

There's no school and there's absolutely nothing to do. And my social life is pathetic. Other than the super boring job, I spend most of my weekday evenings and weekends lying around, reading trashy library books and re-reading Harry Potter. I'm not learning new stuff or upgrading myself or anything and I'm just living by the day. No aim, no goal, nothing. My life isn't just stagnant. It's starting to look really down. I swear I was so much better off in school.

This is so depressing. I should get out of this place and go overseas or something. I hate the way things are going in my life now. If I still have one.