Sunday, April 30, 2006

I got dragged to Singapore River yesterday by Shunhong so that he could watch the Chelsea-Man U soccer match, claiming that it's like a rugby match between AC and RJ. Haha.

Before the match we had Sizzling Rock by the river, and it really lives up to its name. The oil was really sizzling on the rock, on top of that, it was spurting everywhere! And the chicken was raw on one side. I was like, so how am I supposed to eat this? Apparently I was supposed to flip it myself if I want it cooked. What the hell. I mean, who in the world eats raw chicken? Especially with the bird flu now. Anyway, when I finally managed to eat it, it was good. It was a pricey meal though. But Shunhong paid! Haha, he actually paid. Oh which reminds me. He actually managed to ask for a table without speaking. And he called for bill without speaking too. AND he merely nodded at the people who served us. The reason he gave for that was because everyone does this. What's wrong with just opening your mouth to say, Table for two please, Bill please, and Thank you, right? So I told him to stop acting high class when he isn't, in case he's doing it the wrong way. Sheesh.

Yes. So after dinner we stopped over at this drinking place with a TV to watch the match. The waitress was like Table for two? Then she took a good look at both of us and she asked, Above 18 or below 18? Haha. So funny! Looks like I'm not the only one who looks underaged. Anyway, since I'm not really 18 yet, I decided to keep quiet and let Shunhong talk. Aiya, the woman actually believed him. He ordered beer. BEER. That's so uncle! Yucks. Then he said that it's high class beer and tastes different. Stella Artois. See, he's trying to act high class again. And Man U lost. 3-0. They should have more matches like this. It was exciting.

Monday, April 24, 2006

I was on the bus home just now, and I saw NS boys. Haha. Their name tags caught my eye, and I suddenly thought about my brothers' name tags when they were in NS. Like, J J Ong and J X Ong. So cool isn't it! Then I thought about S H Liu, and I decided that it sounds very... Shunhongish. Imagine if I were to enlist, my name will be K T Ong. HAHA. That totally sounds like crap.

Well anyway, I wanted to visit Yan's blog just now, and I went to her old blog. Then I was like, eh, when did she shift her blog again? Haha. I think like, maybe my brain is undergoing denaturation or something. Does brain matter contain protein? I guess not. Ok point is, I think Yan's entries always brings back a flood of fond memories of those beautiful St Nicks days. I'll just put the link so you'll know what I mean, but I know Yan will kill me if she ever knew I was advertising her blog like this, though I doubt she'll ever find out. But I'll just copy and paste some stuff.

"... Blue people who give you hugs like free, blue people who write you notes like free, blue people who shower you with sweets and nonsensical things just to make you happy. ... Life used to be an adventure, because with blue people, you never know what silly and outrageous things we're going to do next. ... I miss the times in school when we would just laugh ourselves senseless over anything and everything."

So true. Those days when giving hugs was the norm, when doing silly, childlike stuff used to make us so happy. You know, what I feel about this, I really don't know how to put them in words. If back then you asked me, I think I would have called it love. Now I'll say it was probably superficial, because if it was all so perfect, then why didn't it last? I guess we all grew up, matured, and went our own way. Out of common behaviour among so many people, only a few will follow you through. People like Daggers (: I'm not sure if that made sense, but you get what I mean?

Sunday, April 23, 2006

I forgot to add something yesterday. NS does wonders for skinny boys.

Shunhong now has visible abs and packs (that's if he flexes only though), a little arms muscles and a nice brown tan. Haha. Even Track and Field training doesn't do that much. I'm waiting for it to get better!

Heehee.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

I finished my physics Skill A SPA on time! Haha. I hope my handwriting was still legible. Anyway, the sambal stingray I ate just now is like burning in my stomach now. Well, erm, so long.

One day, I will learn to face it, accept it, and let go.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

There's this thing on Ellen's blog. A survey sort of thing, something I've done like a million times when I was in lower secondary. You know the time when every one does it and sends it to you by email, so you also do it and send it to every one too. Haha. I haven't done something like that for like the longest time, so I thought it would be interesting to do it again. This one comes with two rules:

1. You can only say YES or NO.
2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you / comments and asks!

Heehee. So exciting.

1. Taken a picture naked? no
2. Painted your room? yes
3. Made out with a member of the same sex? no
4. Drove a car? no
5. Danced in front of your mirror? yes
6. Have a crush? yes
7. Been dumped? no
8. Stole money from friend? no
9. Gotten in a car with people you just met? no
10. Been in a fist fight? no
11. Snuck out of your house? yes
12. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? yes
13. Been arrested? no
14. Made out with a stranger? no
15. Met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? yes
16. Left your house without telling your parents? yes
17. Had a crush on your neighbor? no
18. Ditched school to do something more fun? yes
19. Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? yes
20. Seen someone die? no
21. Been on a plane? yes
22. Kissed a picture? yes
23. Slept in until 3PM? yes
24. Love someone or miss someone right now? yes
25. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? yes
26. Made a snow angel? no
27. Played dress up? yes
28. Cheated while playing a game? yes
29. Been lonely? yes
30. Fallen asleep at work/school? yes
31. Been to a club? yes
32. Felt an earthquake? no
33. Touched a snake? no
34. Ran a red light? no
35. Been suspended from school? no
36. Had detention? yes
37. Been in a car accident? no
38. Hated the way you look? no
39. Witnessed a crime? no
40. Pole danced? no
41. Been lost? yes
42. Been to the opposite side of the country? yes
43. Felt like dying? yes
44. Cried yourself to sleep? yes
46. Sang karaoke? yes
47. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? yes
48. Laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose? no
49. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? no
50. Kissed in the rain? no
51. Sang in the shower? yes
52. Made love in a park? no
53. Had a dream that you married someone? yes
54. Glued your hand to something? yes
55. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? no
56. Ever gone to school partially naked? no
57. Been a cheerleader? no
58. Sat on a roof top? yes
59. Didn't take a shower for a week? no
60. Ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? yes
61. Played chicken? yes(?)
62. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? yes
63. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? no
64. Broken a bone? no
65. Been easily amused? yes
66. Laugh so hard you cry? yes
67. Mooned/flashed someone? no
68. Cheated on a test? yes
69. Forgotten someone's name? yes
70. Slept naked? no
71. Gone skinny dipping in a pool? no
73. Blacked out from drinking? no
74. Played a prank on someone? yes
75. Gone to a late night movie? yes
76. Made love to anything not human? no
77. Failed a class? yes
78. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? no
79. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours? no
80. Cheated on a girl/boyfriend? no
81. Did you celebrate the 4th of July? no
82. Thrown strange objects? yes
83. Felt like killing someone? no
84. Thought about running away? yes
85. Ran away? no
86. Did drugs? no
87. Had detention and not attend it? yes
89. Made a parent cry? yes
90. Cried over someone? yes
91. Owned more than 5 sharpies? no?
92. Dated someone more than once? yes
93. Have a dog? no
94. Own an instrument? yes
95. Been in a band? no
96. Drank 25 sodas in a day? no
97. Broken a cd? yes
98. Shot a gun? yes

That was pretty fast.

Well school today was traumatising. Something really embarrassing happened today during GP remedial, which I think is rather inappropriate to mention here. Let's just say that I should make a bigger effort to learn how to sit properly. Oh my ):

Okay, on another note, I'm really amazed at how my GP teacher looks at the world in such a... cynical way. He seems to see more negative stuff than positive stuff in things. And he reads so much into issues. I never seem to be able to delve past what's on the surface. Oh well, there's a reason why he's a GP teacher and I need GP remedial right? Haha. Anyway, we learnt what's fallacies during GP yesterday. Now everything around all sound like fallacies to me. So wierd.

Oh, I met Weeshian and Yuen Kay at the bus stop on my way home after school, and I witnessed something I don't know whether to call sweet or stupid. Yuen Kay was having a running nose and they didn't have tissue, and Weeshian actually asked every one at the bus stop whether they had tissue. Yes, including strangers. If it was Shunhong, he will never do this for me. Not on his own accord, not if I ask him to. But I love him anyway. <3

Saturday, April 15, 2006

This is a new beginning. Haha.

I debated with myself over whether I should delete my past entries. After all, they held so much memories. But, after reading through them, I decided to just delete them all. All I kept were the two latest entries. Most of them were so pessimistic and sad and were so shallow they didn't contain any meaningful content. Saying that is equivalent to branding myself as that, since it's what I wrote. I mean, what you write is what you think, and what you think is who you are, right? Well, if it's true, then I think I'm a terrible person.

Ah well.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

I'm so annoyed. I hate being a substitute, you know. Have I mentioned this before? I don't know why I keep letting this issue affect me. I mean like after all it has been going on ever since last year. Maybe I'm just refusing to acknowledge the fact that I'm never ever ever EVER going to be in the picture. I come into the picture only when one or the other isn't around. I don't know why I keep letting myself be a substitute. Or maybe I'm not even a substitute, simply thinking too highly of myself.

I'm such a loser. I don't even dare to mention names. But I think it's kinda obvious anyway.

Well, Daggers are my bestest girlfriends. Maybe I don't have anyone in school, not really anyway. Aiya I'm not sure. But there's still plenty of people in class I have to get to know better. That's what I'm going to do. To get to know everyone in class better before we all graduate at the end of this year.

Oh I've been thinking about this. I think my life really does revolve around Shunhong, Shunhong and more Shunhong. I've been trying to deny it for the longest time. Ok, maybe NS will help to cure the problem.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Shunhong's been off to Tekong for 2 days already (or should I say only?). I didn't send him off and I'm majorly regretting it now. Shame on me for caring so much about what his mum will think. He told me that his mum will question me about why wasn't I in school when it was a Friday, and that will give her a very bad impression of me. Since my reputation with her is already bad enough, I should have just went with my heart. I wouldn't have minded skipping school just to see how is it going to be like for him in the next I don't even know how many weeks.

In fact, when I woke up and read a message he sent me at 5 AM I started having a panic attack. I started imagining all sorts of horrible stuff they do to those boys, MY boy, including making them wake up at 5 AM, over at that island. I'm sorry, I know 5 AM isn't all that early, but I don't think he wakes up at 5 AM very often, except maybe to watch soccer or something, and this is military training we're talking about. It upsets me to think about it. Alright, at least they sleep at 10 pm. I know, I'm being such a fuss. It's not like he's hasn't had less sleep than that before, but still, it's military training we're talking about! ):

Anyway, in my panic I remembered an entry in Eileen's blog about her boyfriend enlisting last year, and I felt abit more assured after reading it. 'Army life seems to be pretty much alike St John training camps, just without the change parades and with more sleep most nights. It isn't a wholly new lifestyle unalike something I expected, and I welcome mental preparation. Its 10 males to a bunk, with [apparently] $200 mattresses for good sleep.' That was last year, but I don't think they will degrade the mattresses and decide to torture suddenly huh. So I guess I should stop being retarded and making Shunhong sound like a girl. He's definitely man enough for it. At least he's safe there.

Shunhong's in Mohwok. Or is it Mohwak? Mahwak? Mohawk? I can't even remember his platoon's name!! I really should have just went on Friday to send him off. Mohawk sounds strangely familiar though. I think I've heard it before. Anyway, that's not the point. The point is... his platoon name. It's something along that line. Haha.

Sir asked me how I was feeling in school on Friday about Shunhong enlisting. I told him I was fine and he said it hasn't hit me yet. And he was too right. I guess in school there were so many things happening I didn't think much about it. But once I was home I kept checking my phone for messages I know he won't be able to send. At night I layed in bed and could only think about how much I miss him. It wasn't about not being able to see him often, but I can't even talk to him often. I seriously haven't talked to him so little in one day for a very very long time. Alienated is the perfect word to describe how I feel. I should start finding stuff to distract myself. More study, perhaps?