I always do things I regret. Why did my parents give birth to such a daughter. A mean, quick tempered, vindictive daughter who doesn't want to admit her mistakes and apologise, and says mean things that hurt because she doesn't like losing. Who has never learnt to appreciate what she has and was given. I hate myself for knowingly being a bitch and a coward and a filthy hypocrite.

Sometimes things take an unexpected twist, and you don't know what to do, don't know what to feel. You tell yourself that it's ok, that this is just what you needed, you've thinking about it anyway. But under all these layers of denial, you know that no matter if at any one point of time you were so frustrated you told yourself that you're not going to fucking care anymore, it's not true at all, because you can never bring yourself not to care. Because you still feel enough to care.

I didn't realise that, but now I know. Now, after what I didn't know I least wanted to happen happened. But you gotta respect the decision. After all, what's the point of disagreeing. He's still going to feel that way, maybe worse. It's not going to change anything. It's just going to happen all over again. So, maybe this unexpected twist will be good for the both of us in the long run. Like what he said, it's just a comma to the sentence, not a full-stop. It's just a break, a.. timeout. We'll still be friends, until we're both ready to be together again. We still have the love.

So why do I feel so heartbroken. And a little.. indifferent.

This New Blogger is freaking weird. There isn't really alot of difference, but it's still not the same. I hate changes, and I avoid them if I can.

For example, my email. It's been around and in use ever since Primary 4, and it has a history. blursotong is the brainstorm of this guy by the name of Justin Lin who sat next to me in class when we were p4, cos I mentioned that I wanted to set up an email account and I needed a name for it. Being only 10 at that time, I thought it was such a freaking cool name for an email. But then, blursotong was already taken, so blursotong50 it became. 50 because I thought it was such a nice number and everything. Now, turning 19, I'm beginning to think that it's a totally dorky name for an email. Imagine next time when I'm applying for permanent jobs, and I send in my resume. The potential employers are going to go.. blursotong50?! That's so cheesy. How old is this girl anyway? She doesn't sound very intelligent. Next. And there go my chances of every getting a job. Haha. Okay I'm sure in reality my email address is not going to affect my chances of getting a job, at least not to that large an extent. The point is, even though I think is so corny and all, I can't bring myself to change it. Because it's been my email for so many years, people know me by that email, and everything is submitted/registered with that email, changing it is going to cause so much trouble and it's going to need some getting used to, and I don't want that.

Maybe it's just me, but then I'm sure people in general are more or less resistant to changes that take them out of their comfort zones. Like some sort of inertia. Why make things difficult for yourself when you can avoid it, right? Some people might just call it old school and inflexible and lazy. Which is ROAR true. My brother bought an iMAC for himself, and I told him its so difficult to use even though it looks very nice. And he told me that you just have to get used to it. Because all our lives we've been using Windows, that's why when we use Mac which is totally different we don't know how to use. So when he gets used to it, he'll be good with both. Makes him flexible. Haha.

I have a new job at Robinson. Not the departmental store. The office. And the people I'm working with are nice, friendly, young and attractive people. This job is soo much nicer than the previous one la, even though its essentially doing the same things. But then it seems slacker and easier and a whole lot more enjoyable. I'm actually enjoying the work sometimes. Oh and I get get more pay. Just a little more, but still more. So YAY! (:

Anyway, I have such SHOCKING NEWS regarding Sir I totally can't wait to ask him about it. Or squeeze an answer out of him. I'm really not looking forward to the results day for A levels, but just for this one question I want that day to come faster cos I'm freaking excited about it. I know I'm like being totally insane and crazy, but it's like OH MY GAWD KINDA UNBELIEVABLE. I hope I didn't make a mistake and got it all wrong or what, cos that would be so idiotic and very disappointing.